in moments like
this, i can feel finely the fire pouring through my every pore - in and out, as if i were an entire instrument of breath, made simply to swell and subside,,, this life inside me changing the boundaries of my body, redefining my edges, wave by wave.
in moments like
this one, i remember so clearly all that is lost. so clearly, it is surprising to imagine a state exists where all of this seems like delusions at best, and destructive at worst.
i know why some have found it, and then lost it. i know why some, while in that loss, have done and said things that contradict what they have done and said when they had found it.
each state is a contradiction to the other.
ah,,, and how that has been used as a hammer (by those who do not understand) to break away the natural movement to trust in the beauty such people express while they are awake.
we see a light in a man's eyes, then discount his words because of his beggar's clothes. again, and again, until we look at the clothes first, and forget lights in eyes (and all they mean) even exist.
we are caught in circles, asleep in circuits, and too rarely find true doors out. i cherish those doors, i am hungry for them, because they bring me back
here.
here, where everything i need is with me,
here, where i could move a mountain, if i must - and without violence or force, using only simple, honest conversation.
there is a network that connects every living thing (and so much more of this place is living than we often perceive).
aliveness occurs in
states.
do we laugh at the thought of certain low-accelerated pieces of our world such as rocks being 'alive'? it is likely there are other states of accelerated life, vibrating at much higher frequencies that might laugh similarly at our own claim,,,
the world is so much bigger than the lines we have drawn to contain it. the truth is that it cannot be contained, and in certain moments -
extraordinarily beautiful ones - someone opens a door in the house that holds it, and it flows out, our concepts stretching until they find a new shoreline , and rest- until the cycle repeats itself. again, and again.
this is the role of
the artist - to find the places within where a door would go nicely, to build it, to open it, and to give themselves to the flow that rushes through, wherever it leads them.
the conscious mind is single grain of sand lying among the dunes of one of a thousand deserts of an entire earth. it's 'world' consists of the small area around its physical location to which its senses are attuned.
if you search only inside the confines of that vision of the world, you will never find the piece of you that is missing - the one you have been searching for since before you can remember. why?
because it cannot possibly fit. that piece is
life, and though it can be expressed through these patterns, shapes and ideas we mistake it for, it is not those things. no,,, it is that which moves
through them.
to find the
life within you is to give yourself to the
flow, to release your conscious strainings to control and direct, trading them instead for the ability to listen, to carry on conversation - the most important conversation you will ever have.
ideas of superiority to life and its many expressions, even subconscious ones, detract from the experience of aliveness and your own connection to your truest strength, because such ideas create separations, disruptions in the flow. feeling morally superior, or being in positions of judgment or condemnation are all versions of this kind of distraction. they are like thick glass over your eyes, mirrors, that bend and distort your interpretation of what you see into signals that are easily misread.
if you would come close to the
life in you, you must practice letting go of all that is between you and that life. walk lightly, releasing the heavy burden it is to fight the flow of that life, rejoining your energies enthusiastically, effortlessly, aligned with that surge. this is the truest form of strength, and the source of the deepest kind of fulfillment.
the greatest miracles don't appear in skies, on statues, or even on hospital beds. they aren't measurable by scientific means, recordable or documentable,,, they happen in the invisible world within.
if you are quiet enough,,, you may be able to hear one beginning to happen, right now,,,
in you.in love,
jesh *
